I don’t claim to know what the hell I’m doing. I’m just a human being trying to figure this shit out with as much heart and honesty as I can muster. I am starting 2015 filled with enormous uncertainty: many things are ending and there is no clear sign of what is beginning. I have no guarantee that any of the work I have put into building my dreams will amount to anything. In fact I could say that I don’t even have any idea exactly what I have been building at all.
I’m at a moment where I could easily lose my faith. I could scold myself like a stern adult and say that chasing my dreams has been nothing but chasing my tail. I could shame myself into thinking that my idealism has caused me more trouble than its worth. I could punish myself for being so stubbornly committed to freedom. And I have.
But as I dance in the darkness, I hear a still, expansive voice that speaks a different truth. The voice whispers to me:
No matter what I have love.
No matter what I have ease.
No matter what I have magic.
And so it is.
We have two choices when we experience uncertainty and hardship: ferociously love and accept ourselves or abandon ourselves. Self-abandonment creates a barrier that no amount of love from the outside world can penetrate. Choosing to love ourselves is an internal choice that we make every day, every moment, with every thought we have and every action we take. Choosing to love ourselves is merely to acknowledge that we are an extension of Source— and source is and always will be pure unconditional love. The more we experience our own love the more the love of others starts to fill our worlds. In the midst of losing those few and specific people to whom you have selectively poured your love into, you will realize that is not all there is. As your understanding of love starts to expand, it starts to show up in many forms: in animals, in friends, in family, in lovers, in communities, in experiences, and even in places. When love gets taken away from you, you start to understand that it will merely show up again in a different form. All it starts with is a choice. Today I choose to tell myself: No matter what, I have love.
It is a given that in this lifetime we will all experience much struggle, all uniquely our own flavor of pain. However, amongst it all, feeling a state of ease is also a choice. If we start with the aforementioned step, we automatically dissipate one of our most fundamental struggles by staying in alignment with who we really are and all we really want: Love. Any resistance that is left over from that can be dealt with by choosing to accept reality as it is. If I struggle against what is, I have pain. If I surrender to it, I have grace. Today I choose to stop fighting with reality and decide to dance with it instead. I choose to stop insisting I know better than Source. Today I choose to tell myself: No matter what, I have ease.
Fear, judgment, and struggle shuts down our capacity to experience the miracle of being alive. When I have love and ease everything becomes magic. When there is love and ease, the senses expand and delight us indefinitely, our minds play with wonder and curiosity, and our hearts fill with awe. Otherwise we are completely blind to the magic around us. Every day we need to light ourselves up, to turn ourselves on, to understand deeper, to explore more, to fill ourselves with gratitude about the magnitude of the human experience. I choose to believe that everything is magic—that I am magic, and filled with grace—and so are you. I choose to tell myself: No matter what, I have magic.
So as I dance in the dark I refuse to let the goblins win. My power is a quiet power and my dance is a celebratory one. Amongst the confusion I always have choice. In the darkness I always have love. I always have ease. I always have magic.
From today onward
Until the attainment of enlightenment
May I be willing
To live with my chaos and confusion
And that of all other sentient beings.
May I be willing
To share our mutual confusion
And work incessantly and humbly
To help and elevate everyone without exception.
-Tibetan Prayer from Light the Flame by Andrew Harvey