No, of course not. I ask for what I want all the time.
I’m putting myself out there right now with my new biz. I’m throwing up websites, kicking out emails, facebooking my face off, starting events, and making myself ultra visible, at least in my mind.
I’ve been a part of this fantastic mastermind put on by the ladies of Propelle and I was bringing up the question of how to get more people to come to my classes, workshops, and private sessions without feeling like I was begging. When we dug a little deeper I realized that simply “asking” or “inviting” was somehow being translated in my mind as “begging.”
It was suggested that I personally invite people on the phone or through email. Someone in the group mentioned that being personally invited made them feel special, and another person piped in to remind me that often times people are just really busy and forget. Ask people to come? Uh that would show that I, like, totally care. Of course I care. I care almost too much. I dug my heels in. I couldn’t separate the notion of asking from the feeling and perception of begging. I was feeling something bubble up inside. Uh-oh, we’ve hit a trigger.
A deep seated fear was emerging: me in a pretty party dress, freshly baked cake, balloons everywhere, clowns, djs…and… no one shows up.
This is a fabrication based on fear. This is me saying if they don’t show up it’s because they don’t (like) (need) (want) me. This is a thought pattern that will manifest itself in the world until I stare it in the face and say forget you, you are a misinformed lie based on lazy assumptions and poor communication.
I’ve been fighting this tendency for a while in interpersonal relationships but its amazing how when you kick it up a notch these deep seated fears rear their ugly heads so you can slay them all over again. It’s likely that I’m shooting myself in the foot with my protective tendency to be aloof, with my body language, with the energy I’m sending out, and without the sincere, heartfelt, enthusiastic asking.
Can you admit you need something? Help, money, a hug, a social network, advice, support?
Dig deeper. Look at the things your heart truly desires. Can you even declare to the universe that you want it? Sometimes we hide our needs not only from others but from ourselves, because if we dare admit it, it makes us vulnerable to disappointment.
Are you afraid to ask? What would happen if you did?
As my grandmother would say, “ya tienes el no” (you already have the answer no if you don’t ask).